hittheplanes

emotional wreck = poetry!

Mon, 14 Jul 2008 07:51:48 GMT

1. i want to know you
and drown in your warmth.
it feels like its been years
and only time can tell us
where to go
but time has no motion
while we're here
and the lights are so blinding
your love is so binding
and i feel the need
of your arms
your presence slowly
suffocates me
as i drown in your warmth
and your air tightens my lungs
and if i died today, forever i'd be
happy to be with you.

2.i never had a single doubt about you
til i figured out that you gave up before trying.
i wonder why you'd be so cruel
but i remember your similarity to the last one
so i've thought about giving it another try
but why should i hurt myself like that?
why give your all when you've got nothing?
sometimes i wish on stars
but i've found those stars to be black holes
cause i keep getting the worst of luck,
i gave up not too long ago.
i'm not proud of it but what else is there to do
when you've given your all while you've got nothing?
why waste another reath when
i could use it on someone who truly cares
it's too bad you're a fraud.

more?

Mon, 02 Jun 2008 03:27:38 GMT

1. i miss the days when everything was easy
and mom could take care of the worst.
a band-aid cured every pain
now it's just too big and i've got a hole in my heart where you used to be
nothing's right until the void is filled
but it was there you lived for so long
i thought you'd be there forever
i guess i was wrong, i'm only human
now the past keeps creeping up on me and your name comes into play
i dreamt that you'd be my future, but that was just a dream...

2. it seems so long since we last talked
things have changed, and you don't seem to care
my hearts been torn apart with a racecar
as you stand there in awe.
the situation's only gotten worse
but i haven't forgotten yet
how great you've been
but the time has come
lets get this overwith
the end is near and i'm still waiting to hear
the stories you've got to tell
but you're not willing to listen
to what i've gotta say.

3. even though you're gone
you've still got me lost for words
i can't stop lying to myself, saying you'll come back
even though you're not coming back.
i like to stay optimistic about these things that just make no sense
hoping that i'll get some clarity in response to this mess
even though there's no chance.
and i hope someday
and i know someday
you'll come running back to me.

suffocation

Mon, 26 May 2008 06:25:29 GMT

jeanette+thoughts+vicodin from getting wisdom teeth out = decent poetry.
read and comment plz.

i hate that i can't even convince my stupid self
even though i want you so badly
i can't avoid these feelings much longer
and i want you to know right now
this brain is just getting to me
and i don't know what to say anymore
i can't even breathe because i'm
slowly suffocating in your presence
hoping to find that you too are gasping for breath
but maybe it's just a figment of my imagination
or maybe my thoughts are all cliche
i just want to know right now
are we gonna make a fire up in mcbride
or am i just more dirt thrown on the side of your street?
tell me now, so i can stop wasting my time
and start over again hoping for another guy
to fall for me like i did for you.

more?

Mon, 28 Apr 2008 03:31:36 GMT

jesus, my live journal is becoming a freakin' poetry site lol. enjoy.

1. my feelings are slowly tattering
the thoughts you leave sift through my head like rocks
it's hard to believe, but it's there.
more than once you've left me speechless
and i tripped on the uneven concrete
i fell on the broken glass you left behind.

2. thankful for the jubilance you used to bring
i'd return if it weren't so hard
you drive me up the wall in a jack knifing 18 wheeler
and i never return.
woefully morose as the guilt sinks in
dragging me to my painful death
although i love you so much
i cannot bear to handle this any longer
you kill me silently, horrifically as
this feeling of guilt sinks in once more
rejecting the past to be my future
and taking a new lead
to avoid this tragedy that might occur

captivation

Wed, 23 Apr 2008 04:17:07 GMT

some new poems!
i enjoy writing, bet you couldn't tell?

1. captivation of a lonely heart
if only your words could set me free
from this imprisoned heart of mine
and the everlasting tension would diminish
put our differences in the dark closet
and tell me how it feels
if it is the same
or is it a new abundance of hummingbirds?
you bring chills to my spine
and the birds to my stomach
you have no idea.
your voice makes my heart skip
and your eyes look through my soul
oh, i wish your words would release me
from this captivation of a lonely heart.

2.untitled
the qualities you portray are more than actions
it shows how you really feel
i'm trying to decide which path to take
whether to embrace it or to wait for a vivid discussion?
listening to your voice makes me wonder
how you hide these things so well
i admire your thoughts and i think about how badly
i want to know your side of the story.
your beauty inspires me more than anything ever could.
and even if we are to embark on our opposite ways,
i will always love you.

3.trying to write out of boredom
thoughts of you clogging my mind
making me unable to function
wishing something would happen
is your song about someone special
or just another bluff?
nobody knows how i never get sick
of hearing your voice
or how great hearing it once makes me feel
it feels as though you are singing to me
oh, how badly i wish you really were.

4.english class
inability to concentrate
originality has ceased
but only here.
no sympathy for the imaginative soul
praise for the idiotic
ideas are freed from me
thoughts have escaped
the improper spreads faster than an epidemic
barbaric things own this place
and the intelligence has fled the world.

5.untitled
i'm losing touch with my own senses
avoiding all that is real
the tattered soles of my shoes
show you the fatigue i've endured
appearance is all.
the knots in my hair
show you how unorganized i tend to be.
and the scars on my knees
tell you where i've been
appearance is more than all
it tells a story of the person inside
but only if you would let it.

6.holden
sometimes i understand how holden feels
misunderstood and out of place
in this world full of users
but you learn to face your problems
only not by running away
just because someone in this miserable world
may want you to stay.

poetry!

Fri, 28 Mar 2008 03:03:40 GMT

just the newer ones.

1.) making the wise unimportant
degrading the thoughts of kind
taunts are not welcome here
feeling slightly past unappreciated
moving on to unwanted
the strength acquired is now useless and pathetic
and destroyed by this hatefulness
whatever cruel comes to mind
overwhelms the true meaning

2.) impossible to decipher the illusions
the shield is the fog in the way
the mist creates a hurdle through the path
the sun clears it out now
but the sun doesn't shine here.
it only shines in the myths of Happiton
with the happy people living carefree
the blizzard you create is yet another
obstacle in this journey of finding
yourself along with me
discovery is important but this is just
beginning to show as a waste of time

3.) taped under the finest polyester
hidden from the surrounding
this long cloth drapes over shoulders
and is now my disguise.
this tunnel i am buried in will not let me escape.
the goldfish swim around my atmosphere as i ponder
the cloth is soon to be torn
or shall i stay undercover and
watch as the world around me collapses and dies?

i feel like a hero, and you're my heroine.

Sat, 19 Jan 2008 04:48:51 GMT

so i'm a junior yadda yadda its all late. this year is okay i guess, a little more drama than last year but not really its about the same. backstabbing bitches & fights and all that goodshit. :) well today actually i presented my graduation project, and i passed it! one less thing that i have to worry about, right?!

but umm.
idk what else to say?

Posted using TxtLJ

Sun, 30 Sep 2007 21:46:25 GMT

great. I love it!

Posted using TxtLJ

Sun, 30 Sep 2007 21:46:16 GMT

I know, I haven't updated in forever! So much has changed these past few months. School is back, I'm getting almost straight A's, and everything is going

wish on a star

Sun, 29 Jul 2007 05:24:46 GMT

Do you ever wish that your life could be great? That nothing was wrong with you, that you had several good friends? That your friends would never replace you with someone else?

This is sadly how I feel..
I just wish I weren't thrown aside like an old rag. Best friend my ass.. You only talk to me when there is nobody else around. Fuck you!

Oh--Ash--if you read this, you know who this is about already, lol.

I wish there was a miraculous thing that would make everything better.. oh wait! There's God!

I guess all I need to do is rely on him and everything will be better.

ugh.

Thu, 28 Jun 2007 06:29:39 GMT

This past week has kinda, well, sucked. Except Saturday!

So, Saturday was my birthday (happy sweet 16.. hah). I went to a concert.. and it was so much fun. I got to see someone that I was really looking forward to seeing.. his band was amazing.

Well, dad's been in the hospital since.. Monday? He called the cops, and we took him to Western Psych. Apparently, he hadn't been taking any of his medications. Not for his blood, gout, heart, bipolar, or anything. He has hypertension, so the doctors normally want his blood pressure to be over 90. When they checked it, it was OVER 200. That is just plain ridiculous! I know it's not fun to be on medication, but I'd rather take the stuff and be healthy. You could tell something was up with him, because for the past week or so, he hasn't shut up, and he's been talking a load of bullshit. When we went to visit him today, he was saying we're going to move to Fox Chapel into the Heinz farm. Isn't that just hilarious?? We can't even afford to live here! He probably won't be out until after July 4th, so this holiday is going to suck. It's no fun with him around. Nothing is.

I've been trying to help my mom as much as possible lately, because I know how much stress she's under. I feel horrible for her, she shouldn't have to deal with this shit. She's such a strong person, I admire her.

Other than that, not much going on..

update

Tue, 29 May 2007 23:01:03 GMT

Yeah, finally felt like updating this thing.

I feel so unwanted anymore. Like, all my friends have boyfriends or always have other plans to deal with... why can't I have anything, anyone? I hate talking about anything because I'm tired of pissing people off. I like this one guy but I highly doubt I have a chance with him. I feel worthless. Ugh, it's just overwhelming and seems like nobody gives a shit about me and I'm invisible or something. All I want to do is love and be loved. Is that so hard to ask?

I want to fall in love.

poetry comes to me

Wed, 25 Apr 2007 21:20:19 GMT

I just got random inspiration last week to write a poem.. so here goes.

its staring me in the face
yet still is not found
the mystery unfolds slowly
destroying my dignity
annihilating peace
tragedy arises
drama is no longer forbidden
your words hit me like bullets
yet i'm still here
designing my future
falling into pieces
wishing to not be fooled
by your misleading ways
yet again, i've fallen
your words are a poison
your face, death.

comment & tell me what you think, k? i'd appreciate it.

so i guess...

Sun, 22 Apr 2007 17:51:52 GMT

I was just tired, I feel much better than before. And it's a beautiful day. Who can be miserable on a beautiful day? I mean, come on!

continuing on..

Sun, 22 Apr 2007 05:42:18 GMT

I feel rejected, alone, misplaced.. I really just need someone to talk to and help me out. Nobody seems to care or understand. That's probably why I've even just been talking to my animals lately. My moods are so, like, wacky. I feel depressed all the time, and then sometimes I just feel like I'm on a high. The smallest things can make me feel pissed off and mad. I just want to feel like I'm in control of myself and my emotions again. I want to be able to please the people I love without hurting myself and who I am, and without destroying my dignity. It feels like nobody is there for me to love, for them to love me back. I really need someone.... desperately....

ready to end it all.

Sun, 22 Apr 2007 05:37:43 GMT

So I read a friend of mine's lj and I noticed they have some stuff up there about myself that I guess they don't want to take down. Really makes my day. Wonderful.

So today, I went to Tiffany's party and had some fun, and that's the highlight of my weekend. That's about it.

I got into a sorta fight with Katie.. she's pointing the blame at me again. Wonderful. I guess I ruin everything. Why don't I just end it all and run away from life? I question myself this every day. It seems as though nobody cares.. I just want to get away from it all. It feels like I have nobody to talk to, because if I do talk to them, they get angry at me for wanting to talk about something I really need to. I need to vent my emotions, let it all out. I just need to go to a cleared area and scream at the top of my lungs, then maybe I'll feel better.

I just feel so depressed anymore.

as boredom takes over....

Sat, 21 Apr 2007 02:54:12 GMT

Well, the highlight of my past few days has been getting my new iPod, and babysitting. At least tomorrow I have a birthday party to look forward to.

I'm getting tired of people talking about their boyfriends, their exs. I don't have any. I don't care about yours. I mean, bringing them up a few times doesn't kill me but its those people who never shut the hell up. I really wish I could get a boyfriend. Man, do I hate myself.

My life isn't as exciting as I want it to be. I want more friends. I want a boyfriend. I want to have someone to always hang out with. Some way to miraculously lose 100 pounds.

Man would that make my life so much happier right about now.....

I know, I sound depressed. I don't really give a damn anymore. It's just, it feels like everyone hates me and I have nobody to spill my guts to... and I guess thats why I have a livejournal.

bye bye beautiful.

Fri, 06 Apr 2007 17:31:51 GMT

Ok. Im pissed off now. Christina called saying that now they aren't going to the mall until 5 which means I can't go.

hey i can txt post!

Fri, 06 Apr 2007 16:47:25 GMT

yeah its pretty sweet!

busy bee

Fri, 06 Apr 2007 16:36:35 GMT

Today is going to be a busy day. Hopefully in a little, Christina will call and we're going to the mall to get Easter outfits. Then, if I get back around 4, I'll go for fish with my family, because as you know, it's Good Friday and I can't eat meat. At 6, I have to go babysit, and once I'm done with that, I'm going over Sydnee's house to sleep over.

Hopefully after today I won't be this busy for a while.

waiting on the world to change

Wed, 04 Apr 2007 02:05:44 GMT

Today was a pretty cool day. Nice weather, nice breeze.

This morning, I put my contacts in. But, they were burning so bad I could barely keep my eyes open at all. I had to take them out, but I put them back in in 5th period because at 4 I had a check up to make sure they were alright, and I had to wear them, pretty much no matter what.

After school, we picked up Christina and we went to Korey's. We talked about stuff we missed, old times, and other good things, and then we caught a bus to the mall. We met a whole bunch of different people, and they were pretty cool. Me and Christina left a little later to try and look for Easter dresses and stuff, and to leave with my dad.

Yeah, a good bit of interesting stuff, too good to put into words.

back into place

Tue, 03 Apr 2007 02:37:44 GMT

So I've become good friends again with Korey. We haven't talked much in the past 4 years, but we're slowly getting back to what we used to be. It feels like life is coming back into place, finally, after all these years. I'm finally getting my schooling up. Earlier this year I was slacking too much and it ruined my life. Now, I'm almost getting straight A's and I'm happy even though it costs so much to do all the work, like not hanging out with friends for a while. It feels good to lift a huge weight off of my shoulders.

Even though I have gained another friend, I have lost another. They used to be a good friend, and then they turned to be a weather friend, and possibly a back-stabber. Always asking if I'm mad at them... I mean, if you ask if I'm mad at you, doesn't that usually mean that you're doing something for me to be mad about?

Other than that, I'm going to the Fall Out Boy concert with Christina on May 22. Before that, though, I'm going to Virginia Beach for a chorus competition and mini-vacation on the weekend of May 4.

Comment or something.

part of you

Sat, 13 Jan 2007 05:55:39 GMT

can`t you see
i`m trying to catch your eye
cause i want to be in your arms

what do you want to do
i can`t be perfect
neither can you

seems my effort is lost
at only a cost
to me

interested in nothing
sadness in my eyes
forgetfulness isn`t coming soon

dying to be in your arms
to be in your life
to be in your view
dying to be a part of you

i just want to be noticed by you
can`t you see
you amaze me.

i`m tired of time being wasted
by attempts at catching you

seriously

i`m dying to be in your arms
to be in your life
to be in your view
i`m trying to catch your eye
can`t you see i`m dying
just to be a part of you?